Author: Whig Buttles

Fun fact: Pol Pot was a Super Saiyan

super saiyan pol pot Pictured here: Pol Pot in Super Saiyan form.

Pol Pot, communist leader of Cambodia known for his extreme distaste for urbanites. What is little known about him is that he can trace his ancestry back to an ancient Saiyan warrior who visited earth some 432,000 years ago. This Saiyan bred with the proto-humans. I’ll spare you the complex genealogical  details, but as it turns out, Pol Pot is actually 1/64th Cherokee Saiyan. As a result, he had access to phenomenal powers outside of human capacity. One of these powers is the ability to enter an ascended form known as a Super Saiyan, granting him increased speed, strength, reflexes, and willpower. He was able to unlock this inner power after surviving a near-death experience when he was ambushed by a group of urbanites returning from Abercrombie and Fitch (a known urbanite stronghold). He was at death’s door after being stabbed with a complimentary pen and powered up to Super Saiyan form in order to defeat his adversaries.

This is another example of why Filipinos are the most powerful race.

True story.

Castizo Futurism is for fags

Anybody who’s into Castizo Futurism, believe me, is a total fag and probably a time traveler as well. You see anybody into that shit, you tell him I said “Shut the fuck up.” Then you say “Shut the fuck up.” to them as well. And tell ’em “Fuck you, nigger.” a couple times for safe measure, then call them a fag again. Fucking time traveler.

Roads are KIKED.

Think about it. They are used to deliver KIKED stuff like consumer electronics, newspapers (more like KIKEpapers), porn, and bread. All sorts of gay and Jewish shit. White men were meant to walk everywhere, and wheels represent the eternal cycle (more like KIKEL) of Jews jewing you over and over. TRVE ARYANS move themselves telekinectically because their pineal gland functions aren’t disrupted by fluoride, an invention of the periodic table of elements which denies the TRVTH of Aryan metaphysics on the four elements and the humors.

You know who else promoted the Periodic Table of Elements? Albert EINSTEIN, the turbojew. Holy kikes batman. Also, Periodic? As in Period. Like women, another Jewish invention.

Think about it.

LET’S GET SOMETHING STREHT HERE

There are some dumb homos that have been spreading lies about Time Travel. They claim that time travel to the future does not make you gay. Well I’m here to tell you that it does. Dolores’ son went to the year 4382 and he’s gay as hell.

SUMMARY OF FACTS RE: TIME TRAVEL

Over the past few weeks here at The Starboard Stuff we have been developing our theory regarding time travel and its effects on male psychology and sexuality. Ever since the discovery that Time Travel Makes You Gay by the Paranormies (the most important paranormal and conspiracy researchers in modern history), TSS has been working hard to unravel the mysteries of Time Travel. The purpose of this article is to summarize what we know so far. This article is a joint effort between all authors at The Starboard Stuff.

1. What Time Travel Does

Time traveling, either forwards or backwards in time (although the majority of time travel activity involves going to the past) has a 100% chance of turning the traveler gay, which is obviously detrimental to the health and safety of the traveler. There are no observed instances of a time traveler NOT becoming gay.

  1. Evidently, Time Travel Makes You Gay in order to prevent the traveler from becoming their own grandfather

This is the most widely accepted reason among Time-Travel researchers for why Time Travel Makes You Gay.

  1. Evidently, only men become gay from time travel

The sexuality of women and sasquatches is unaffected by time travel. Whether this is because women are already pretty gay or because women are too busy serving the platonic interests of men to time travel is so far not known. It is also hypothesized that women couldn’t turn gay because lesbians don’t exist and they’re afraid to time travel because the past is oppressive. Plus a woman can’t give birth to her own mother.

  1. Development of a “Faragay cage” is in progress to reduce or totally circumvent time-travel related gay disorders

Similar to a Faraday cage, the Faragay cage is a wire mesh enclosure which total surrounds the time travel device in order to prevent the gay effects. Development is in progress, largely through experimentation using mice. Their DNA sample is recorded, and then the mice are sent back in time inside the Faragay cage. Then we take a random sample mouse in the present and test it to see if it is related to the mice we sent back in time. If it is related, we know the mouse did not turn gay. If it’s not related, we know the mouse turned gay. The technique is not yet perfected, but I’m working on it. Give me some time, man. I’m only on a journalist’s salary. And all this wire mesh is expensive.