Author: scurvymcmango

Natalie Portman’s Midriff Was the Most Important Part of Attack of the Clones

Natalie Portman’s Midriff Was the Most Important Part of Attack of the Clones

Look, this movie had a lot of things going for it. Christopher Lee was in it. It was anti-Semitic. It depicted Asians as orientalist bugmen. We learn that storm-troopers are from New Zealand. Based black guy with a grape lightsaber. Mass infantry proves that skilled warriors are obsolete in battle. Lots of things.

And then there was that gladiator battle. Oh man. That’s what carried this Star Wars film, almost entirely. I’m talking about Natalie Portman’s midriff. I can’t imagine Attack of the Clones without Natalie Portman’s midriff. It wouldn’t even be the same movie. It wouldn’t even be worth watching. That’s how important this is. This is how cinema is done. Natalie Portman’s midriff. It’s something no other movie has, which means it has everything great film-making requires.NATALIEPORTMANSMIDRIFF

 

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Reaffirmation of the Patrician Quality of Tomboy Humiliation

Let us recall that in these times when the word catboi is so frequently uttered by the masses there exists a principle of higher attraction from which we are able to partake in the corrective measures of restoring the erotic order of the species. We of course refer to the humiliation of the tomboy, which is not to be confused with the collaring of the catboi or the wearing of ears. From thence we proceed to understand the following perennial axioms of social behavior and the aristocratic ethos of true courtship:

  • It is only through dominating female efforts to engage in male performance that the distinction of the sexes can be properly maintained to allow for the reproduction of civilization.
  • The tomboy partakes in an unstructured and errant behavioral pattern, which is best remedied by that most aristocratic of impulses, the noblesse oblige, which requires us to gracefully but firmly fulfill responsibilities and obligations we have to our charges, that we “rule well.”
  • It is thus inherently patrician in nature to chaperone dissenting women into wearing dresses rather than slacks, and to tell them how pretty they look despite their protests.

This leads us to that which is most important for achieving the balance and sacred order necessary for the generation of our kind. We know well from our ancient ancestors that the Uranian and Olympian cycles represent a different spiritual reality for traditional peoples which manifest through the numen. But among the tomboy we find what could be considered a pseudo-Promethean impulse, in attempting to seize the solar fire of the stations and castes associated with the domain of man rather than the domain of woman.

The man, being of a solar rather than a polar Dasein, has the duty and the obligation to enforce upon the tomboy the corrective measure so prescribed in the ancient texts which have survived to the present, such as the Mahabharata and the Epic of Gilgamesh. That is to say, he is to proposition this woman to go carousing or gallivanting with him at a particular place and time, and to insist she wear a frilly sundress which he has procured for her. When she arrives, the completion of the rites is achieved by aggressively complimenting her on how feminine she is. The tension between her impulse to adopt the male roles and her being commended for fulfilling her station awakens a deep and powerful sacred energy and restores significant balance to the world, one tomboy at a time. The potential femininity which can be released through the proper rites of tomboy humiliation vastly exceeds that of non-tomboy humiliation, and so the perfection of the polar element in the female form can be said to reach its most divine character when it is achieved through the frilly sundress. The correction of androgyny must then be seen as one of the most noble and virtuous tasks of both the traditional world and of any civilization which seeks to order itself according to the principles of solar authority.

 

Scurvy McMango,

The Tropicarian Institute

Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands

Tomboy Humiliationism

Here at Starboard, a number of diverse opinions on building a utopian society are tolerated. But I must remind my dear readers, that to be completely and incontrovertibly principled, one must follow the path of tomboy humiliation.

  • Make her wear the frilly dress.
  • Take her out on a picnic at the park.
  • Help her improve at softball.
  • But also make her wear that frilly dress while practicing.

If we lose sight of what truly connects us to the aristocratic age, we will lose our humanity.

 

Scurvy McMango,

The Tropicarian Institute

Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands

Is It Possible to Take Tomboy Humiliation Too Far?

Is It Possible to Take Tomboy Humiliation Too Far?

Imagine having enough tomboys to start a softball team with. You could coach them all in how to play the girls’ version of baseball. And also go on dates with them individually and make them wear frilly dresses instead of their uniforms.

What if you could convince them to play softball in frilly dresses?

These possibilities are why I worry for our future as a society. If every man had a softball team of tomboys to coach and make wear frilly dresses, he would never accomplish anything else. The work of the Institute would grind to a halt, and no more philosophitarian discoveries could be made. No longer would innovative insights into human social organization be found and their implementation discussed.

Perhaps it is a disaster our forebears understood when they created monogamy. For if a man had too many tomboys to embarrass, he would spend all his time doing so.

 

Scurvy McMango,

The Tropicarian Institute

Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands

Responding to “The Patrician Peasant And The Tomboy Aristocrat”

Responding to “The Patrician Peasant And The Tomboy Aristocrat”

First of all, scurvy isn’t a disease—it’s a way of life, so stop diagnosing me you bigot.

Moreover, this response to a response appears to have sank to new depths of untouchable caste. Let us address the critical issues raised:

1. Are reverse traps a more advanced form of tomboy?
By its very etymological nature, the reverse trap is a corrupted form of the trap, not a more advanced form of anything. Further, the reverse trap, in totally concealing her femininity has made herself only appear desirable to women (who are esoterically gay) and homosexuals (who are exoterically gay), as they interpret her as male. Reverse traps are doubleplusgay, and not an advanced form of the tomboy at all. The tomboy does not appear male but adopts male behaviors and hobbies along with the clothing suitable to those behaviors and hobbies. The tomboy is not trying to be male as much as she is avoiding being too much of a girly-girl. This as I have noted previously is distinct from the reverse trap, who desires to appear male for the sake of appearing male, not to be a woman who engages in traditionally male activities.
2. Is the tomboy is a natural aristocrat who is becoming a higher form through her androgyny?
This must be false since we have already proven that the tomboy is not an escalation of forms but a manifestation of juvenile revolt best corrected by patrician paternalism and the imposition of the frilly dress. The embarrassment this nets is said to be enough to power ten cities for a year. Moreover, it is the rush from correction of this androgyny that makes her excessively feminine to levels non-tomboys cannot achieve, and which are totally impossible with androgynes.

Thus it still stands: tomboy humiliation is the surest sign of patrician taste among males of our species.

 

Scurvy McMango,

The Tropicarian Institute

Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands

Responding to “Is Tomboy Humiliation Truly Patrician?”

Responding to “Is Tomboy Humiliation Truly Patrician?”

First of all I must congratulate the author on his choice of image for his post. Truly impressive work, and commendable.

However, thereafter, or rather in the ‘foretext betwixt that image and the title, is where  his arguments lose their traction and he reveals himself to be a knave in the ways of patricianly fetishes.

Allow me to explain the truth as I have ascertained it through years of meditation upon titillation.

It is only through dominating female efforts to engage in male performance that the distinction of the sexes can be properly maintained to allow for the reproduction of civilization. A tomboy is in effect a woman of Lightning and thus ineffective without the application of Sun, which is necessary to provide structure to behavior. Humiliating tomboys is thus an act of sexual correction. Since it is the aristocratic ethos to “rule well,” there can be nothing more befitting of an aristocratic libido than to spread Sun into tomboyish women. It is thus inherently patrician in nature as a fetish, to chaperone dissenting women into wearing dresses rather than jeans and to tell them how pretty they look despite their protests.

The largest problem I find with the counter-argument is as follows:

Another interpretation is that this is a pseudo analysis that covers over the fact that the tomboy is not truly androgynous but is merely a female attempting to don a masculine disguise.

It must be clearly stated that the tomboy is not the reverse trap. Tomboys are ultimately behavioral creatures whereas reverse traps are not merely cross-dressing but engaging in a total male appearance. Thus it is a distinction of vanity. Where as the tomboy wishes to act in a more boyish manner and thus dons apparel that minimizes the expression of her femininity so as to facilitate such behavior (e.g. spats or shorts replacing the skirt), the reverse trap wishes to be perceived visually as male. A tomboy does not wish to appear male but adopts elements of male fashion to facilitate male hobbies and behaviors. A reverse trap wants to pass for male. These are different and a failure to distinguish between the two represents a slackening of one’s perceptive senses. Tomboys are not reverse traps, and the latter is a separate, and far more plebeian, complex.

In conclusion I am yet to discover anything which would indicate that tomboy humiliation is not in fact the patrician’s fetish in the cited response piece. I hope this discussion serves to further our inquiries into what constitutes true patrician taste.

 

Scurvy McMango,

The Tropicarian Institute

Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands

True Patrician Taste

Tomboy humiliation is the most principled fetish.

Where my tomboys at? Gonna make you wear a frilly dress and embarrass yourself.

That clothing is pretty comfortable so why are you squirming so much? You do know you’re not a boy right? This is how a girl should be dressed.

I’m pretty deep on those mindset iceberg memes. Mental BDSM without any external signs.

It’s not about dominating per se. More of a schadenfreude.

Is there a word for feeling pleasure derived from embarrassing tomboyish women? There should be but I don’t think there is. That’s the level of sophistication we’re on here.

If that’s too patrician for you, the door is that way.

 

Scurvy McMango,

The Tropicarian Institute

Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands

Can Traps Circumvent the Effects of Time Travel?

Can Traps Circumvent the Effects of Time Travel?

THE HYPOTHESIS

If you can pass for a girl, in theory there’s no reason why time travel should affect you.

OBJECTIONS

Traps are already gay, thus rendering this attempt to escape chronosexualization moot.

You’re still biologically male even if you look like a girl.

EXPLANATION

First of all traps aren’t gay. It isn’t gay to be attracted to the female form. Even if that form has a penis attached.

Second, we don’t fully understand how time travel turns men gay, only that it doesn’t affect women and sasquatches. Biology may not even have anything to do with it.

We must inquire: if a male were to time travel such that he would not be perceived as male, would he avoid the effects of the chronosexual disorder?

Since it is impossible to pass for a sasquatch but it is possible to pass for a cute girl, we now have our testable hypothesis: Time travel does not turn traps gay.

However I must divulge that I fear the results of experimentation. The Time Police will not stand for this threat to their monopoly. Traps will be in danger of systematic annihilation should this hypothesis prove true.

 

Scurvy MCMango,

The Tropicarian INstitute

Grand Cayman, CAyman Islands