I sold that shit and got some fresh new Keds and a bottle of Dewars. Then I drank the Dewars and puked in the Keds and threw them away. Why? You know why, you fucking pussy.
Also, I told all our old friends you are gay.
David “David Balabon” Balabon
I am a real catboi with real cat-dreams and real cat-emotions. I will not be reduced to a bit of internet cat-comedy for you to laugh at, damn it.
Furthermore, please respect my pronouns. Meow/meowself/herekittykitty.
Yep. I got my big shout out on some shitty podcast called “The Daily Shoah”. That retarded batch of nobodies knows the truth. David Balabon is the best writer on the Starboard Stuff. Basically, I am the only motherfucker on this site worth reading.
That is why I walk around and just do whatever the fuck I want. Everything I touch turns to fucking gold. You think I stole your meme? No, I made it “dank” by touching it. Your meme fucking sucked until I got my hands on it Paul.
David “Thanks for the booze, Bradshaw” Balabon
P.S. Fuck all of you fucking plebs.
Who am I? I’ll tell you who the fuck David Balabon is. I’m the motherfucker who drank your last 8 beers and tried to kiss your girlfriend. Then I loaded your dryer with your favorite shirts and shit in it. Yeah, I ordered Mexican steroids with your credit card. Because I’m David fucking Balabon, and that’s how the fuck I roll. Now, you answer me a question, bitch. Just what the fuck are you going to do about it? Nothing. Because nobody fucks with me, David Balabon.
You like these ears? This collar? Yeah? Oh, don’t worry. Aaron McNair hasn’t declawed me… yet. He likes my Catscratch Fever. He makes me purr like a Trek 820 coasting down a mountainside.
I am David Balabon, and for the right price, I can be your Catboi, too.