Daylight Savings, a Corruption of ‘Gaylife Staving’

Daylight Savings, a Corruption of ‘Gaylife Staving’

Don’t believe me? Look it up. In the 1830s, Benjamin Franklin implemented the season of Gaylife Staving into America’s agriculturally-based calendar system to ward off the implicit homosexuality of the temperance movement and combat the deleterious effects of time. During Gaylife Staving Time, liquor taxes were lifted and clocks were turned off to avoid time travel possibilities altogether, for six months a year.

The name was changed in 1912 after the passing of the 30th Amendment by President Mercury Wilde, which who declared time travel to be constitutional and therefore that Gaylife Staving be ended. However, the agricultural lobby insisted that time travel would damage their crop yields since homosexual plants cannot be pollinated, and therefore Daylight Savings Time was introduced. The compromise between the agricultural lobby and the futa lobby was that people might become gay as a result of time travel though there wasn’t anything wrong with that as long as the crops were left alone. Thus time travel is allowed today in order to get more sunlight, but not for the purposes of turning anyone into a homosexual.

 

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