We’ve all heard of wizards. Wizardchan, Hogwartz, Wizard School by DFTBA Games; names we’re all familiar with. You can’t live in the West without having heard of all these things. Here’s what they don’t want you to know:

Wizards are real.

Don’t click away. I know how you feel. “Oh, I just clicked on this crazy ass website and this nigga tellin’ me that wizards and anime be real”


I was on Wizardchan when the inevitable mass suicide occurred. Zoe Quinn came with her legion and forced all the wizards into a corner, and when they realized they couldn’t escape, they unleashed all their virginity and soul juice into a wave of power. I swear to Wizard God this is true.

Unfortunately, when you release all your soul juice you die. I tried to help them but I was not yet a wizard. I was one of the initiates who was left homeless and without guidance. Suddenly all of the wizardry was drained from the world. One act that left young virgins everywhere bereft and awry.

The 2D realm was created in a last ditch effort by the initiates to try and preserve some of the ancient teachings, but alas, it is a pale imitation of the world that existed before that. We could not match the efforts of the former masters who gave their lives so we could survive. They were truly virgins of an incredible caliber. Women wouldn’t even want to exist in the same universe as them. That is why they persecuted the wizards. They were jealous of the power they could not have; being 3DPD and all.

All of the acolytes scattered after that. Though we had created the 2D realm, we were unable to enter it. The best virgins we had left still were not great enough to open the portal. Some of us gathered at hikichan, but it wasn’t ever the same again.

I never learned any of the great master’s names. When I asked everyone jumped on me saying “oh look a namefag shill. gtfo loser”. They were great minds, but not great conversationalists. They expected you to know everything. If you asked a question they’d just say “google it you stupid newfag”.

All of the wizards of the tower are gone. There may still be some others out there, but I don’t know where to find them. You may not believe me. The only proof I have is the following image. I was there. I took this image. Literally nobody else but me took this photo. Witness the glory of full blown virginity in its raw, refined form!



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