The moon is falling to Earth and yes, it’s all your fault.

We all know about the “green issue”. We’re told verbatim and ad nauseum that we’re using up “Mother” Earth’s (way to presume the earth’s gender shitlords, I just can’t even) natural resources and that we’re all going to die in a giant, moist and deliciously rapey flood in 2012 (There was some rain, but it got better. also I was turned into a plant but it was only a video game).

What many don’t know is that the real risk lies in a small imp with a mask. This fucker to be precise. HELP ME

Image result for skull kid


Now you may be saying. “WOAH! that is a video game character and as such you are a ninny”. Well Steven, let me outlay my rational arguments before you judge, also I’m shagging your girlfriend you cuck, she’s on a neverending quest for MY master sword if you get me blud? #Rekt. THEY HAVE TAKEN MY EYES

See we live in a world where the laws of time are subject to what a Scientist whose name I don’t remember (so let’s call him Pob) calls “the trousers of time theory”. For every decision we make reality sends us down one of the legs of these trousers and sends another version of us down the other leg to a reality where we made the opposite decision.

Now what Pob failed to take into account is that trousers have flies, which usually remain zipped up, I believe this to the case for reality too lest reality’s big willy escape and mess up the Mako energy that governs timeflow. However reality is subject to the laws of physics and s we all know gravity commonly pulls down the flies. When reality’s flies are down versions of us that wouldn’t necessarily exist leak into the multiverse and into what I like to call “The Neverwas”. In this subspace ANYTHING is possible. This includes the events of interactive fiction being real. As such simply by EXISTING, you have made Skull Kid real.


Using these sound scientific conclusions we can categorically state that NOT ONLY is he in posession of the Neverwas’ version of Majora’s mask but also that he is loose in our world, most likely in the Kentish town of Tonbridge.

Notice how big and angry the moon is lately? There’s your ecological happening. You caused that.Notice an occurrence of a child name BEN Charlie drowning in Coventry recently?

I did…

       THE MOON                                                 CHILDREN GOT               HIM
KELBRIS KNOWS                                                        YOU ARE NEXT

.̵.W͠h̕y͡ d͟idn’t̸ y͝ơu ̴sto̡p̴ ̴i͝t̕? Y̶̢͞ǫ̀u̵̴̴̷͠’̴̨v́͏͘͟e̶̡͝ ͢͢ḿ̧ȩ́͘͠t̢̢̨͢͠ ̶͢͟͢w̴͡͝͞i̷̛t́͝h̡̡́̕͞ ̸̢á̵́ ̷́t̵͡ę̴̧͜͟r͜͝͝r̵̛͝i͏̛b̢̨͜͢͝l҉̶̸ȩ̢҉͏̨ ̷̨̧͞f͜͏̷̡̡a̵͠҉͟͠t̨e͏̛҉̵ ̷̧͠҉h̶̀̕a̢v̵́̕͢e̵͟͞n̶̕’͝͠͞ţ̸ ̴͠y̸͟͏̛ǫ̸ù́͏̧?̢̡̨͟͝

Uggm vjg etquu kp vjg Dgfhqtf xknncig qh Uvgxkpivqp cv okfpkijv, vjgtg aqw yknn hkpf vjg mga


2 thoughts on “The moon is falling to Earth and yes, it’s all your fault.

  1. Really causes my neural cells to depolarize by opening gated channels in the membrane and passively diffusing potassium ions out of the cytoplasm down its concentration gradient leading to a sequence of action potentials to stimulate in accord with long term potentiation pathways developed through the release of seratonin at key moments of sensory input.

    Liked by 2 people

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